4 Years Today

4 years ago today--September 19th, 2005--I got sober. A day of fearful hope that reminds me of a book title --The Answer to How is Yes. I didn't know how I would quit drinking, I simply knew I had to. I said "yes" with fear and trembling. And I would discover that willingness to change makes a way of change.

I marked today by talking with some friends who are also living happy, sober lives. I spent time with my wife, went to the gym and... oh yeah, got my first tattoo. Ink never called me before, there just wasn't anything I liked so much that I wanted it indelibly on my flesh.

About 6 months ago I was listening to Yeah Sapphire by The Hold Steady. An okay song, not anything essential by their lofty standards until the final 30 secs when it explodes into a crashing mission statement about the journey from old life to new with the repeated words I was a skeptic at first but these miracles work. Perfect. Those are words I'd lived. Those are words I wanted on me. But best to sit on it for awhile. If it was a good idea, it would continue to be a good idea when I would reach my 4th anniversary.

Sobriety anniversary dates are often referred to as birthdays. The tattoo was more than a gift to myself, it was a way to mark my life in a most intimate way--on the same skin that accompanied me when I was born naked into the world. Being marked in this way--above my heart, over both my shoulderblades--was like a realization of the Hebrew Prayer the V'havta (except tattoos are so not kosher). I will wear this testimony to my new sober, better life when I rise up and when I lie down. When I leave my home and when I return to it. I will wear this message upon my heart. It will remind me of what I've done, and that I haven't really done anything. I just said Yes. And I need to continue saying Yes, day after day. My tattoo reminds me of the miracle of this life, and reminds me to remain true to it.

I didn't come to sobriety kicking and screaming, but full of full on doubt that an alcohol-free life could be anything but washed out black and white. Remove the alcohol and the fun and flavor would wash away. I've never been happier to be proven so wrong. Not only is my sober life in living color, it's HD.

Here's Yeah Sapphire. A band at the top of its game, trusting their stuff so much that they know the final 30 seconds alone can carry an entire song. Boy, does it. A boatload of gratitude to The Hold Steady for putting words to my life.